APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF
BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________
IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES_____________________________________________ HOME
ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do
you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________ If NO,
explain___________
_____________________________________________________________________
__ Number of years married________If less than your age,
Explain____________________
_____________________________________________________________________
__ Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____ A
waterbed?__________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______ A
condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring, or a
belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE,
DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what
does LATE mean to you?______________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
___
_____________________________________________________________________
___ In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to
you?__________
_____________________________________________________________________
___
_____________________________________________________________________
___ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to
you?_________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
___
_____________________________________________________________________
___ Church you attend_________________________________ How often you
attend_______ When would be the best time to interview your father,
mother, and priest?_____________ Answer by filling in the blank.
Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. (that means I
won't tell anyone EVER) A: If I were shot, the last place I would want
shot would be________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last
bone I would want broken is my________________________ C: A woman's
place is in the__________________________________________________ D:
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
is____________________ E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice
about her first is______________________ NOTE: if answer E begins with
T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and
running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to do IF
you grow up__________________________________________ What is the
current going rate of a hotel
room?____________________________________ Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C:
9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________ Signature (that means sign
your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it
would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases
(you might watch your back).