The Talking Frog

The Talking Frog
================

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire
week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and
returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm an Engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
1994's Most Bizarre Suicide

Found this mail interesting and hard to believe.
1994's MOST BIZARRE SUICIDE

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association
for Forensic Science, AAFS president Don Harper Mills astounded
his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a
bizarre death. Here is the story:

On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald
Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building
intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his
despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was
interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him
instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a
safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect
some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to
complete his suicide anyway because of this.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, a person who sets out to commit
suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not
be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain
death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode
of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal
intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner
to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the
ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an
elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was
threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that when he
pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and pellets went
through the window striking Opus. When one intends to kill
subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the
murder of subject B.

When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were
both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. The
old man said it was his longstanding habit to threaten his wife
with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her -
therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That
is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old
couple's son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to
the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off
her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of
his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with
the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case
now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of
Ronald Opus.

There was an exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that
the son, one Ronald Opus, had become increasingly despondent over
the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This
led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23, only to
be killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
Sardar & Honda

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high
way and enjoying his drive.

Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and
sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.

After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the
opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi honda
chalaya kya?' and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the
sardar was teasing about his driving.

After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said the
same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say something
but the Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but
suddenly stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding.

He got down and mocked at the sardar ' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda
chalaye kya?'

The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes ke liya doond
raha tha'

Door 1 or 2 or 3

This man entered the heavenly waitingroom. Peter came to him and
said:'According to the records you are send to hell'.
So went and came in Hell. Lucifer told him that he was to choose his burden.
'You can choose only one out of three doors. If you refuse a door, there's
no return !'

The man agreed.
The first door opened and he saw a man running and running without
progressing, all sweaty and huffin' and puffin'.
'I won't go in there', the man said. 'Oke', responded Lucifer, 'this door
will be shut forever'.

The second door opened and th man saw someone who fell down and down and
down, screaming, without ever reaching the ground.
'I won't go in there either', the man said.
'That leaves you with the one and only choise', Lucifer warned him.
'That's ok with me'.

Lucifer opened the last door.
There were men and women standing in the mud. The mud reached to their
necks and they were all drinking coffee.
'Now, that's where I wanna be, ' the man said happily.
As he stepped into the mud, Lucifer closed the door behind him. At the same
moment he heard a voice saying,
'Ladies and gentlemen, end of break, please stand on your hands again '.
Sardar and Bill

a sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill Clinton.

Bill : i want to show you the US advancement. come with me .

(he takes him in a deep forest)

bill : dig the ground.
sardarji did it.
bill : more..more..more...

(sardarji went upto 100 feet)

bill : so now , try to search something.
sardarji : i got a wire.
bill : you know, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones.

sardarji became frustrated. he invited Bill to india.

NEXT YEAR BILL VISITS INDIA

sardarji : i want to show you our advancement.

the same, he takes Bill in forest .

sardar : dig it .
bill does.

sardar : more ..more ..more ..........

(bill goes upto almost 400 feet..)

sardarji : try to find something.


bill tries.

sardarji : did you get anything ?
bill : no.

sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS.

Surd Collection

There was a competition. Those who don't laugh for 100 continuous jokes
will get an award. Our surdarji gang headed by Bantu singh went to
competition but unfortunately only one of them got the admission. So
Bantu as representing the surdarjis went and sat with other
competitors.

People started telling jokes one by one. Our sardarji didn't laugh a
bit though somany others got dis-qualified. Rest of the surdarajis
were so happy after 98th joke thinking that they will get their share
of prize since Bantu was sent as their representative. But after 99th
joke, Bantu started laughing, rolling on ground, no body could
control him. His surd friends got angry and asked "are saale why
didn't you hold your laugh for just another joke",

Bantu replied
" Are yaar, main kya karooon, woh joke number 1 was too good "

Ticket collection
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at
every station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train
reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying
tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire. The Surd replied
that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.

Detective job vacancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask
each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that
answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked
him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without
hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian
man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He
replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the
man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he
was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,
"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get
back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview
go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already
investigating a murder

Salary ??
~~~~~~~~
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

Examination
~~~~~~~~~~
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He
then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant,
socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says
here, 'Answer the following questions in BRIEF'.".

Surds again

1. Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees
to wake him up when the station arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees ,
the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell
asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and
woken up someone else"

2. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and
started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I
wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been
missing too."

3. Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . "
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

4. An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test
a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20
bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.