Few Sardarji Quickees'

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These r a few sardarji quickees'..........
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Q: How do you measure a sardarji's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: Why do sardarjis wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SARDARJI BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A sardarji going to London on a plane, how can you steal his
window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the
middle row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SARDARJI THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly
over
his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2
hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do sardarjis work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the sardarji do when he noticed that someone had
already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How do you confuse a sardarji?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a sardarji in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why can't sardarjis make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? -
A: because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: What's the difference between a sardarji and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like sardarji jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: How many sardarjis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around hin.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What does a sardarji say when you ask his if his blinker is
on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a sardarji a penny for his
thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 sardarjis standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a sardarji with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a sardarji in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you see when you look into a sardarji's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: Why did the sardarji take his typewriter to the doctor ??
A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Q: Why are sardarjis hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't sardarjis put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a sardarji in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Whats the difference between a sardarji and a Supermarket
Trolley ?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut
it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A sardarji parade.
Q: Guy asked his sardarji wife "how did you get the car in the
living room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A sardarji BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
A sardarji's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't
have to think -- I'm sardarji!"
sardarji #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
sardarji #2: "No, who wrote it?"
What about the sardarji wife who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
sardarji: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest
thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I
get
a different answer."
Two sardarjis observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door
of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
sardarji#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
sardarji#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and
try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Did you here about the sardarji that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on him.
A sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw
a
sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he
said to himself "oh well !" and turned around anD drove home.
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The gateway to heaven

Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"

"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

Suddenly, there is some jostling in the line, and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.

"Well, your excellency," says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it!"
Sardarji in dire trouble


A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.

He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................

"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord :

"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
Nice Surd Jokes

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"


Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji
says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours
the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time,
you wait and I'll go get a ladder."


Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the
Earth now is a Chinese."


Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.


A passer by notices a Sardarji by the side of a lake, throwing
bricks into the water. So he asks the Sardarji
"Why are you throwing bricks in to the water?"
The Sardarji takes a brick and again throws it into the water
and says thoughtfully
"See, I've been trying to solve the mystery: why are the bricks rectangular
and the waves circular?"
Bill Gates n Hell



Bill Gates dies (insert the way you think best fits here). He finds
himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether
to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created
that
awful Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your
case: I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "What's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly,
if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with
clear
waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature
perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want
to see heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about,
playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill
thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd
prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found
Bill, shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming amongst hot flames,
being
burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two
weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other
place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the
water????

"That was the demo," replied St. Peter.
God speaks to Bill Gates

God appeared in a dream to the Pope, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates.
He told them, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is
that I exist. The bad news is that I will end the world in 30 days."

The Pope woke his staff and said, "I have some good news and some good
news. The good news is that we were right all along, God exists. The
other good news is that we'll be going to heaven in 30 days."

Bill Clinton woke his staff and said, "I have some good news and some
bad news. The good news is that God is on our side. The bad news is that
the world will end in 30 days."

Bill Gates woke his staff and said, "I have some good news and some great
news. The good news is that God thinks I'm an important guy. The great news
is that we won't have to finish Win95."

Bill Gates died

Bill Gates Died !

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven.
When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.

Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with
nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from
the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked
their way through the crowd. Booze and drugs were being passed
around. Fights were commonplace. Sanitation conditions were
appalling. All in all, the scene looked like Woodstock gone
metastatic.

Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late
teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with
the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.

"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is
Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to
ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, I'm not the
Archangel Gabriel. I'm just a guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel
who died in a car wreck at the age of 17. Now give me your name,
last name first, unless you were Chinese in which case it's first
name first."

"Gates, Bill."

Gabriel started searching though the sheaf of papers on his
clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works.

"What's going on here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people
here? Where's Saint Peter? Where are the Pearly Gates?"

Gabriel ignored the questions until he located Bill's records.
Then Gabriel looked up in surprise.

"It says here that you were the president of a large software
company. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, do the math, chip-head! When this Saint Peter business
started, it was an easy gig. Only a hundred or so people died
every day, and Peter could handle it all by himself, no problem.
But now there are over five billion people on earth. Jesus, when
God said to 'go forth and multiply,' he didn't say 'like rabbits!'
With that large a population, ten thousand people die every hour.
Over a quarter-million people a day. Do you think Peter can
meet them all personally?"

"I guess not."

"You guess right. So Peter had to franchise the operation. Now,
Peter is the CEO of Team Peter Enterprises, Inc. He just sits in
the corporate headquarters and sets policy. Franchisees like me
handle the actual inductions." Gabriel looked though his paperwork
some more, and then continued. "Your paperwork seems to be in
order. And with a background like yours, you'll be getting a plum
job assignment."

"Job assignment?"

"Of course. Did you expect to spend the rest of eternity sitting
on your ass and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You
have to pull your weight around here!" Gabriel took out a
triplicate form, had Bill sign at the bottom, and then tore out the
middle copy and handed it to Bill.

"Take this down to induction center #23 and meet up with your
occupational orientator. His name is Abraham." Bill started to ask
a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, he's not *that*
Abraham."

Bill walked down a muddy trail for ten miles until he came to
induction center #23. He met with Abraham after a mere six-hour
wait.

"Heaven is centuries behind in building its data processing
infrastructure," explained Abraham. "As you've seen, we're still
doing everything on paper. It takes us a week just to process new
entries."

"I had to wait *three* weeks," said Bill.

Abraham stared at Bill angrily, and Bill realized that he'd made a
mistake. Even in Heaven, it's best not to contradict a bureaucrat.

"Well," Bill offered, "maybe that Bosnia thing has you guys backed
up."

Abraham's look of anger faded to mere annoyance. "Your job will be
to supervise Heaven's new data processing center. We're building
the largest computing facility in creation. Half a million
computers connected by a multi-segment fiber optic network, all
running into a back-end server network with a thousand CPUs on a
gigabit channel. Fully fault tolerant. Fully distributed
processing. The works."

Bill could barely contain his excitement. "Wow! What a great job!
This is really Heaven!"

"We're just finishing construction, and we'll be starting
operations soon. Would you like to go see the center now?"

"You bet!"

Abraham and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heaven's new
data processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred
times bigger than the Astrodome. Workmen were crawling all over
the place, getting the miles of fiber optic cables properly
installed. But the center was dominated by the computers. Half a
million computers, arranged neatly row-by-row, half a million ...
Macintoshes ... all running Claris software! Not a PC in sight!
Not a single byte of Microsoft code!

The thought of spending the rest of eternity using products that he
had spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill.

"What about PCs???" he exclaimed. "What about Windows??? What
about Excel??? What about Word???"

"You're forgetting something," said Abraham.

"What's that?" asked Bill plaintively.

"This is Heaven," explained Abraham. "We need a computer system
that's heavenly to use. If you want to build a data processing
center based on PCs running Windows, then....

.... GO TO HELL!"